Archive for the ‘work’ Category

I think every boy growing up wants to be a crime fighter. They dream of chasing bad guys and punching them with a classic POW! sound. Or maybe you were one of those weenie boys and wanted to shoot people with your web (wuss). Either way, you grew up knowing that crime was bad. Well on Wednesday I actually got my chance to dish out some vigilante justice. I’ve told this story several times now, and I figured it was good enough to blog. Who says analysts can’t start sh*t?

Around 1:30pm on Wednesday, I went over to my coworker’s cube where we were about to go celebrate another worker’s birthday. I’m talking with my buddy Kyle and two other coworkers (I’ll keep them anonymous to be safe) happen to look out the window and witness this late teen, early twenties kid walking across the parking deck beside our building. Well, we made jokes that he was going to smoke pot, considering we see people do it all the time. {sidenote: you potheads aren’t hiding from anyone by smoking on top of a parking deck or on the stairwell}. We notice this guy walking to the stairs and he’s casually looking at the cars.  We all look at each other and make comments like “that’s weird” and what not.

He proceeds to walk down the stairs, but doesn’t go past the third floor. At this point we are all looking at each  other like “WTF.” We then see him go between one of the cars, attempt to open the door, then went to the passenger side. At this time I was 98% sure he was breaking into the car, but it was really surreal. Next thing I know he pulls an object out and smashes the window. At this point, I turn to Kyle and said “let’s go get him” and told the others to call 911. I don’t think Kyle thought I was serious.

So here we both go, hauling ass through our building. I’m pretty sure we freaked out a bunch of people when it looked like I was running for my life with Kyle in close pursuit. I believe the words “Well,  Thomas finally got to Kyle” were uttered. We run down 4 flights of stairs, across the building and then out the front. I yell to the receptionist to call 911 and someone is breaking into a car. We run into 2 other coworkers (names withheld) and tell them to follow us as we run up another 3 flights of stairs.

Now, I’m going to break from this story and make a few comments. One, I am not in shape. This is by far the most excercise i’ve gotten since my 10 mile mountain bike adventure, ironically which was with Kyle. Two, there are 3 possible  “emergency” people to call when at my work – mall security, company security, and the police. Mall security is a joke, company security is a series of old retired men, and the police have nothing better to do in this town then give out driving citations. I know I said call 911, and they were called eventually, but weren’t the first ones called. Three, I am not in shape. I want to make sure that is clear. by the time I get to the car, i have ran 7 flights of steps, and about 100 yards.

We get to the car,  see the window is busted, and split up. I went down to the second floor thinking we could cover the floors and find him. I’m already sucking wind at this point when I hear someone yell. Well, I took off to the far corner where another staircase is. I then see the guy running down them and I keep up the chase. as I round the final flight of steps (I’ll call this an even 10 now ;)), I see a big ass Rambo style Survival knife on the landing, which I can only assume is his.

The guy has about a 60-70 yard start on me and he goes around Bed, Bath & Beyond. I decide to go around the other way,  walking briskly to a)catch my breath and b)not look like I’m chasing him. I get to the other side of BBB and see he is still 60 yards away and has crossed the road and railroad tracks to a little shopping mall. I see a lady walking and ask her for her cell phone to call 911.She tells me “I don’t have one.” Now, I ask you, who the hell in redmond doesn’t have a cellphone? I would have mine, except that it’s in my jacket at my office. Anyway, I cross the tracks and by this time Kyle has caught up. We split up to find the guy. I even went to a McDonald’s to find this guy. Not to go off on a tangent, but I don’t go to McDonald’s. I haven’t had McDonald’s in over 8 years and I’m pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve walked into one since. This is how bad I wanted to catch this guy.

To cut the story off, we didn’t catch him. Went back to the parking lot and the cops are there. the other two were talking with the cops and giving a description. Ended up filing a statment, and even went for a ride with one as they had a suspect in custody. Unfortunately it wasn’t him. In hindsight, we could have done things differently to catch the guy, but it’s not everyday you get into these situations. The question that always comes up is “what would you have done if you caught up to him?” My answer varies, but essentially I would have tried my best to detain him. Now, if i could do that by sitting on him then great. If I needed to spear him Goldberg style and unleash a series of hammer punches to his skull, I would have done that as well.

Kyle and I got an email from the poor lady whose car was broken into. She couldn’t figure out what was appealing to the burglar as she had the typical valuables on her (phone, wallet, laptop, etc). She thanked us and I replied that there was no need – I simply didn’t want to go to my meeting and chasing some fool was better than sitting in my cube.

If I had to put a spin on this story it would be this – don’t leave your valuables in your car, even chargers mean something appealing like a phone or GPS could be under a seat. I’d also say to possible car prowlers in the Redmond Towne Center area – Don’t think because we sit all day and play with Excel we won’t come chase down and beat your ass if you F with our S.  

I’m filing this one under humor, especially since the past 2 days my body has been sore and bones have been snap, crackle, and popping like a bowl of Rice Krispies.


Ask Thomas Series: My Work Calendar

Posted: February 26, 2008 in ask thomas, work

I’m sure you are sitting back asking yourself “How does Thomas keep track of what the date is while at the office?” all the time. Well, I’ll tell you – I walk into the work kitchen. I can tell by the smell. Like today, I know it’s the last week of the month because it smells like an episode of Dirty Jobs in there today. Of course, I don’t get the satisfaction of cleaning out the sh*t like Mike Rowe does. The first of the week the kitchen actually smells clean since the custodial engineers come in and toss the fridge like a San Quentin cell block. I really am shocked people put their food in that germbox ever. It really is disgusting.

I’m sure my 4 U.S. fans and 38 Eastern Europe fans have many other questions. Feel free to leave a comment and maybe I’ll make a post.